Friday, October 1, 2010

An Open Letter to My "Good Neighbor" Upstairs

Hi there!  Let me introduce myself.  I'm your neighbor downstairs - the one who lives below you.  You do realize that there is somebody living under your second floor apartment?  We've never met before, and I've never seen you, but I'm guessing that you're a young man, early twenties.  Either that or a fairly large woman.  The way that I know this is by how you go lumbering around your apartment like Sasquatch at all hours of the night.

Speaking of all hours of the night, what is it you do exactly?  For a living I mean.  I know what you do while you're home (coke/speed?) - crank up the subwoofer on your stereo while you listen to bass heavy music (rap or techno?) and tromp back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on my ceiling.  I hear you from the moment I get home from work (7pm), when I go to bed and try to get to sleep (11pm), when I'm awakened throughout the night by your floor gymnastic routine (2am, 4am, 6am), and when I leave for work (7:45am).  Do you ever sleep?  Do you go to school or work?  If not, how can you afford the high rent?  I have so many questions.

I'm guessing that this is your first apartment out of the dormitory.  Can I let you in on a secret?  You're living amongst the grownups now.  These people (myself included) are adults - adults with jobs and young children.  Believe me - I would love to crank up my stereo and party all night.  But I don't because I know the people who live around me, my neighbors, wouldn't necessarily appreciate hearing me blast Tool at three in the morning.

Anyway, I'm glad we had this little chat.   In the future, don't be a "good neighbor."  Or I might have to send you a love letter - straight from my heart.  Just kidding!  Toodles!

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